I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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