im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cockslap morals
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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