i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
