this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
