My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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