After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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