so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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