Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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