did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
