So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My ATM looks so different sober.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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