if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
