In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
