I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex on a dog bed..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
