Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
