I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
