Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.

(937): View more from Ohio

He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

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(713): View more from Texas

PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering

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(541): View more from Oregon

I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Miracles do happen.

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(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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(712): View more from Iowa

slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident

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(407): View more from Florida

Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?

(912): View more from Georgia

Home?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b

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(903): View more from Texas

I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name

(425): View more from Washington

I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER

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