Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
