Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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