my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
