Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
