dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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