Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
