Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the condom got lost in my hair
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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