My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
