Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
