Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i will never coherently bang her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
