come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
