MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
