no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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