but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
