Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
