I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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