Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
