We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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