I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
