she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
