this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
God, I missed his penis.
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