Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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