She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
