I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
