My sheets look like a crime scene.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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