We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
