it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
