What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
