You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
