I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
