I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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