i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
