I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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