Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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